[翻譯] Nothing Suits Me Like A Suit

美國喜劇影集How I Met Your Mother裡的一首插入曲。
如劇名所述，影集內容是主角泰德(Ted)向他的兒女們訴說當年如何遇見他們的母親，
但實際上變成都在講主角與好友們五人過往的故事。
 
朋友之一巴尼(Barney)酷愛西裝與泡妞，
有次為了搭訕一位男友是華爾街爛人因此連帶討厭西裝的火辣酒保而說謊，
被女方拆穿時面臨兩難抉擇，
在他腦中天人交戰時響起了這首歌。

Nothing Suits Me Like A Suit
唯西裝再合我不過


I know what you're thinking
What's Barney been drinking?
That girl was smoking hot
我知道你在想啥
巴尼是喝了什麼
那女孩辣得冒煙耶

Yes I coulda nailed her
But no it's not a failure
'Cuz there's one thing she is not
是啊我本可泡到她
但不，這不算失敗
因為她不是唯一

To score a ten would be just fine
But I'd rather be dressed to the nines
It's a truth you can't refute
Nothing suits me like a suit
能得十分是還不錯
但我寧可著西裝拿九分
你無法否定這件事實
唯西裝再合我不過

Picture a world where all the boys and girls
Are impeccably well dressed
That delivery guy in a jacket and tie
That puppy in a double-breast
想像個所有男孩女孩
都完美打扮的世界
送貨的穿上外套領帶
穿著雙排套扣的小狗

That '80s dude with mutton chops
That baby with a lollipop
That lady cop who's kinda cute
Nothing suits 'em like a suit
那留絡腮鬍的八零年代老兄
那拿著棒棒糖的小嬰兒
那位挺可愛的女警
只有西裝再適合他們不過了

(Suits!)Wingman I can wear
(Suits!)They're oh so debonair
(Suits!)The perfect way to snare
A girl with daddy issues
(西裝！)當幫手時我可以穿　＊註一
(西裝！)看起來真彬彬有禮
(西裝！)釣戀父情節女孩的最好方式

(Suits!)In navy blue or black
Check out this perfect rack
I want to give them a squeeze
(西裝！)海軍藍或黑
看看這排多完美
我真想捏個一把

Oh really? Then answer these questions
If you please
喔，是嗎？來回答這些問題吧
若你願意的話？

What would you do if you had to choose
Between your suits and a pot of gold? Suits.
如果得在你的西裝和一大筆黃金中選
你會怎麼做？
西裝。

What would you say
If you gave your suits away
In return you'd never grow old? Suits.
如果你放棄你的西裝，便可永春不老
你會怎麼說？
西裝。

What would you pick
One million chicks
Or a single three-piece suit? It's moot.
一百萬個馬子還是一套三件式西裝
你會怎麼挑？
這是紙上空談。

What if world peace
Were within your reach... Abbadabada I'm gonna stop you right there. It's suits. Come on, Lily. Get your head outta your ass.
如果世界和平唾手可得──
啊巴拉巴達不用多說了，西裝。
拜託，莉莉，脫離那些狗屁想法吧

(Two... Three... Four!)
(二、三、四)

Girls will go and girls will come
But there's only one absolute
Every bro on the go needs to know
That there's no accepted substitute
女孩們來來去去
但唯有一個絕對的存在
每個活躍的哥們都當知
沒有其他可接受的替代

I'm sorry suits, let's make amends
My Sunday best are my best friends
Send casual Friday down the laundry chute
西裝我很抱歉，讓我做補償吧
我最好的服裝就是我最好的朋友
把星期五便服日送進洗衣道

'Cuz nothing suits the undisputed oft-saluted suitor of repute
Like a... wait for it...
Suit!
因為再無其他更適合那些
無雍置疑常受景仰名聲遠播的成功人士
唯有──等我說完──　＊註二
西裝！


--
註一：wingman是指和朋友出去把妹時，負責把朋友看上的那位女性的周遭友伴約開，好讓朋友不受干擾的幫手。
註二：劇中巴尼的口癖之一。他喜歡不直接把話說完，好製造效果。